Scrupulosity and MoralityThose who are religious and church going are the most susceptible to developing scrupulosity.
Believed to have been discovered first by priests who noticed that some of their parishioners were attending confession as frequently as several times daily and often confessing the same sin over and over again. The person would be trying to find solace from their overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame of invasive, often sexual, unethical, immoral or blasphemous thoughts.
As with other types of OCD sufferers, they are tormented by guilt over the thought of doing something which is totally out of their true nature and moral compass.
Some feel their thoughts are being conjured by a part deep inside of them or even demonic influences.
Some of the thoughts which plague them are:
· The fear of having committed blasphemy
· The fear of having sinned against the Holy Ghost
· The fear of offending God
· The fear of not being sincere enough during their prayers or worship
· The fear of causing eternal damnation for them or a loved one
· Improper sexual thoughts of religious leader, family member, someone of the same sex, or a child
· Seeing signs such as 666 or satanic images everywhere
Even their slightest infractions are magnified into profound flaws or acts.
I suffered from Scrupulosity. I would literally fall asleep on my knees out of exhaustion with the feeling that I had to continue praying because at the end of my prayer a swear word, sexual or blasphemous thought would come into my mind, which of course, I would have to immediately pray to repent. Even then, I would fear that I didn’t pray with enough sincerity and devotion.
I felt vile and evil and unworthy of God’s love although I was trying to live a good life. I believed my thyroid which caused me to lose my hair was a fulfillment of a prophecy that in the latter day, women would have baldness instead of well set hair. So I felt that God could no longer love me. The pain was so unbearable. I felt so alone. I had several types of OCD as most people do. This one caused me the most sadness.
I know the beast (OCD) won’t let this be of much comfort to you, but if you have this type of OCD, you are not alone…
Remember and know our Heavenly Father is a father of love. He loves you. He knows your true heart.
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